


Gunpowder & Cigarettes

by mnemeaoi



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Beth is a flirt, Canon-Typical Violence, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mac can't handle it, Moving On, Romance, Sexual Tension, dead spouse club, kinda slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-22 10:20:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9603734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mnemeaoi/pseuds/mnemeaoi
Summary: Beth Kingsley didn't know what she was getting into when she hired MacCready. All she wanted was someone to watch her back as she tore across the Commonwealth trying to find her son.(Ch. 1 rewritten!)





	1. I might seem so strong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _excuse me for a while_  
>  _while I'm wide-eyed_  
>  _and I'm so down caught in the middle_  
>  \- **strong, by london grammar**

Beth had had a _bad_ fucking day. On top of having to go track down Nick Valentine, but then she's almost mugged by that dirty, smelly thug as soon as she walks into Goodneighbor. The place smelled like piss and she was tired and hungry and she was pretty sure she broke a rib taking down a triggerman wielding a baseball bat. Fuck that guy. 

The last thing she wanted was another fight. 

So thank God for Hancock. Dude’s got swagger. 

She found her way down to the Third Rail, a bar built in an old subway station. The singer’s voice was loud and echoey in the dimly lit room, which made her head hurt a little, on top of the throbbing in her side. There were a couple tables in the center of the room, with a few armchairs in the far corner and some subway seating near the stairs. She didn’t even make it to the bar before someone said, “what, another one of you mercs looking for MacCready? He’s in the back.” She stopped in her tracks. A young woman sitting at the table closest to her pointed her thumb behind her, leading Beth’s gaze to her right where she saw a doorway to a private area.

Beth let out a huff. That was funny. Her… a mercenary? Sure, her armor was just mismatched pieces of leather she had scavved from the Raiders she killed, but she was cleaner than pretty much everyone in the Commonwealth. And the PipBoy was usually a dead giveaway that she wasn't from around here. 

But if this guy could help her, she was definitely going to ask. She used to know the area like the back of her hand, but now almost nothing was recognizable. Plus, having someone other than Dogmeat watching her back would probably be smart.

Beth gave a small smile to the woman and nodded, offering her thanks before heading towards the door the woman had gestured to.

Apparently, there really were people looking for this guy. Just as she entered the room, she heard, “can't say I'm surprised to find you in a dump like this, MacCready.” The two men approached someone sitting in an armchair, drinking a beer. Beth hung back a ways, trying not to draw attention to herself. Definitely didn't want to get in a fight with these guys. The one who spoke was tall and surly looking, standing tall with his hand resting on his holstered pistol. The other one was slightly shorter, with dark skin and, from what she could see from where she stood, had a stupid look on his face. They were both decked out in fatigues and combat armor, and she definitely didn't want to start anything with them if she could avoid it.

“I was wondering how long it would take your bloodhounds to track me down, Winlock. It's been almost three months. Don't tell me you're getting rusty,” the man she assumed was MacCready said. “Should we take this outside?” 

Winlock huffed. “It ain't like that. I'm just here to deliver a message.” 

MacCready stood up, his shoulders pushed back. “In case you forgot, I left the Gunners for good.” 

“Yeah, I heard. But you're still taking jobs in the Commonwealth. That isn't going to work for us.” 

“I don't take orders from you. Not anymore. So why don't you take your girlfriend and walk out of here while you still can.” 

The guy's attitude made Beth smirk. He had a kind of spunk that she could respect. Of course, if it didn't get them killed first.

The other man groaned. “What?! Winlock, tell me we don't have to listen to this shit.”

Winlock sneered. “Listen up, MacCready. The only reason we haven't filled your body with bullets is that we don't want a war with Goodneighbor. See, we respect other people's boundaries. We know how to play the game. It's something you never learned.”

MacCready smirked. “Glad to have disappointed you.”

“You can play the tough guy all you want,” Winlock said with a chuckle. “But if we hear you're still operating inside Gunner territory, all bets are off. You got that?”

“You finished?” She could almost hear him roll his eyes. 

“Yeah, we're finished. C’mon Barnes.” The two soldiers turned and stomped out, barely even looking at Beth as they walked by her. She watched them over her shoulder until she saw them disappear up through stairs, then turned back to MacCready and moved toward him. 

The merc glanced at her, and let out a heavy sigh. She was actually a little offended. “Look, lady,” he started, “if you're preaching about the atom, or looking for a friend, you've got the wrong guy. If you need a hired gun, then maybe we can talk.” 

Beth raised her eyebrows, intrigued. “Maybe. What do you charge?” She tried to remember how many caps she had left in her backpack. 400? Give or take. 

“250 caps, upfront. And no room for bargaining.” He crossed his arms and looked at her expectantly for a moment. “So?”

She smiled, but shook her head. “Everything is negotiable. Would you take 200?” 

He narrowed his eyes at her, arms crossed. There were a few beats of silence before finally he rolled his eyes and sighed. "You drive a hard bargain. So, only because I'm feeling generous, you got yourself an extra gun. Name’s MacCready.” 

Beth held her hand out in front of her. “I'm Beth. Uh, Kingsley.” He looked at her offer of a handshake and raised an eyebrow. “What, do people not shake hands anymore?” 

MacCready kept the same puzzled expression on his face. “Uh, no. They don't.” 

“Whatever.” She dug her hand into the large pocket on the side of her leg and dug out her caps bag. “Here. 200 caps. And before you ask, yeah, we'll split the loot we find.” 

“All right!” He pocketed them and straightened his duster. “Let's get out of here before those guys decide to come back.”

  
+  


“So, I wanna ask you something, Boss. But feel free to ignore me if it's too personal.” MacCready walked just behind her. Her feet were aching, and her eyes were tired. She just wanted a good night's rest, and was sincerely hoping that's what she'd get once they made it back to Diamond City. But MacCready was still high on adrenaline or something after helping to take out Kellogg and now just wouldn't shut up.

“I'll bite,” she said. They were close to the gates now. She saw a guard walk down a street at the very edge of their patrol area. 

“What did Kellogg mean when he-” 

Beth halted, and MacCready nearly ran her over. She turned to face him. And with a jab of her pointer finger into his chest, she said, “You're right. That is personal.” 

He grimaced. “You didn't even let me finish my question.” He swatted her hand away and rubbed the spot on his chest with his fingers. “And that hurt.” 

Beth blew her bangs out of her eyes and frowned. She had only been filling him in on what he needed to know. When they visited Nick in his office, she had asked him to stay outside. Telling Nick her story had been difficult enough - having to say it all out loud for the first time, having to admit it to herself. But she hadn't wanted an audience. So what she told him was just the basic truth: Kellogg killed her husband, then took her son. 

And he hadn't questioned that. But now Kellogg was dead, and a lot of things were said beforehand that MacCready definitely heard. If he didn't have questions after that, she actually might have thought that he just didn't care. Mac seemed like a reasonable guy, and he was friendly enough. But he wasn't warm like Nick, a guy who reminded her of her dad almost. And she still wasn't sure yet that MacCready wouldn't shoot her in the back the first chance he got or try to rip her off.

But still, when she saw his face fall and he started to frown, she said, “Look. I'm sorry. I'll tell you all about it later. Right now, I just want to get back to Valentine so we can figure out what to do next.”

He nodded slowly. “Sure, Boss. I get it.” 

He said nothing else the rest of the way into the city, and she was thankful. She felt like she was barely hanging on, that at any moment she would crumble into a million little pieces. All she could do was remain focused on the next step to finding Shaun. 

The next couple of days were a whirlwind. They met up with Nick in Goodneighbor after reconvening in his office first, where he mentioned something about a place called the Memory Den. 

“If anyone can get a dead brain to sing, it'll be Doctor Amari,” he'd said. 

So Beth and Mac made the trek and she dove into Kellogg’s memories. She supposed it should've made her feel guilty, watching through his eyes as he lost his own family and sought out the Institute. He had been human once. And the death of Nate and taking Shaun - it had all been a job. But she didn't feel guilty. It only fueled her anger. 

And now she knew what she had to do next. She had to find Doctor Virgil. 

Beth left the Den feeling a little sick. Or like she would lash out at anyone who so much as looked at her funny. But Mac had the smart idea to get something to drink at the Rail. And good lord she needed a good, stiff drink. 

MacCready sat across from her, smoking a cigarette. He was bouncing his legs, fidgeting and avoiding her gaze. 

And she let it go on for awhile, because she still didn't want to talk about it, but it was obviously bothering him. Why he cared so much, she didn't know. So Beth decided then that she was just gonna lay everything on the table for him. Besides, if he was going to be following her around for an indefinite amount of time, he might as well know what baggage she’s carrying around. 

“I was in that vault for 210 years. Cryogenically frozen. I was the only one to come out alive. Well, except Shaun.” He looked at her but gave no response. She continued, “I spent the first three days outside the vault just… sitting in my old house. I didn’t know what to do. And then…” She laughed. “Then Codsworth, the Mr. Handy robot Nate brought home when Shaun was born, he forced me out of the house. Told me that there were people in Concord. I’d never killed anyone before then. Raiders were attacking the museum there. A group of settlers were holed up and I somehow found it in myself to help them.” Beth sighed, remembering the look on Preston’s face when she walked into the room they had barricaded themselves in. The man practically fell at her feet. “I killed a deathclaw. Somehow.” She shrugged, and took a long drink. 

MacCready smirked, finishing off his cigarette. “That was that Minuteman group, right? I heard about that on the radio.”

“Yeah. Preston Garvey. He’s… he’s too good for this world. Honest to God. All he wants to do is help the people in the Commonwealth. Even asked me to join up. I told him no.” Too much shit of her own to deal with. 

“I had people, too.” MacCready lifted his hat off his head and raked his hand through his hair a few times. “I was married. She’s… she’s gone.” He swiped at his eyes, and Beth could’ve sworn she saw him start to tear up. “And I have a son. But, uh… that’s… a complicated situation. Listen, let's not chase ghosts all night. Cuz if we do, I bet one of us will end up crying.” He gave her a sad smile.

She nodded. Figures he had seen some shit. She may have only been in this new wasteland for a few weeks, but she knew it was an unforgiving bitch. “Two sides of the same coin,” she murmured. 

“What?” 

She looked at him. _Really_ looked at him. He was young - not much older than her, she guessed. But he had lines and scars on his face that only someone who grew up in this day and age could have. Tall - maybe six feet, and wiry. For a split second, she wondered what he looked like underneath all the layers he wore. It was shameful, really, that the thought even crossed her mind. But he had the prettiest blue eyes she'd ever seen, and they made her want to melt into a puddle. 

She must've been staring, because he cleared his throat and raised an eyebrow. Beth felt her face flush hot. “Sorry.” She finished off her own drink. “Hey, it's late. And I've had a long fucking day. I think I’m gonna go rent out a room. Are you good?” She stood, and wiped her hands on her pants. 

He nodded. 

She left him at the Rail, eager to get some quiet time by herself to finally process the last few days. And once she had settled in her room at the Rexford, she found herself loading up the holotape that Codsworth had given her for about the millionth time and letting Nate’s voice carry her to sleep.

_“Hi, honey!”_


	2. I remember the rainy days in Chinatown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Time after time, July was in her eyes_  
>  _But if you lie, you lie to your soul_  
>  \- **stormbending, by devin townsend project**

When he had been hired to watch her back, MacCready didn’t know that the lady would be able to manage to run into every goddamn raider and super mutant gang in a five mile radius. Maybe she had some kind of death wish. Or maybe she just wasn’t aware of their surroundings. But he honestly had half a mind to back out of the contract with her because he didn’t feel up to getting into a fire fight every time he stepped out of Diamond City with her. 

Today was one of those days. 

“Fuc- Heck, boss. Did you have to step on that?” 

The two of them managed to duck behind a car just as a frag mine went off, blowing shrapnel everywhere. “I’m sorry!” She cried. 

“Oh, you’re gonna get it now!” A female raider yelled. He watched as she bolted towards them with a tire iron. He took a deep breath, aimed his rifle, and shot her clean in the head. Her body dropped to the ground with a thud. 

Two more popped out, firing in their direction. Beth fired a couple rounds back at them, hitting one of them in the arm. “Frag ‘em!” MacCready hissed. 

She did. With an impressive toss. The grenade exploded, sending a detached arm through the air. Then she fired a couple more rounds at an incoming raider, but missed. MacCready shot him down. Apparently she also needed shooting lessons. 

Beth ran out from cover and toward a crumbled wall a few feet away. By his count, there were at least four more raiders, all of whom were now taking cover, firing blindly towards them. He managed to take out another one with a shot to the chest. Three more to go. He reloaded, taking deep breaths and trying not to drop his rounds. More shots were fired, but he didn’t see at who. 

A few more shots after that, and all the raiders had been put down. MacCready sighed with relief, standing up straight, eyes darting to where he had last seen Beth. She wasn’t there. Shit. “Boss?” He called. “Hey, where’d you go?” 

“I’m over here!” Her voice sounded small, but he followed it until he found her hunched over the body of a raider around the corner. He watched as she dug through his pockets, pulling out some caps and an inhaler of jet. Beth handed him a few caps, and he pocketed them. 

It was then that he noticed that there was blood soaking through the front of her shirt. His eyes flicked between that and her face, and she seemed unbothered. “Boss? Is that… is that your blood?” 

Beth furrowed her brows as she looked over herself, hands patting down her front and arms until she landed on her shoulder. She hissed, and fell back a step. “Damn. I didn't even notice.” 

They were too far from Diamond City or Goodneighbor to make it there before nightfall. So, MacCready looked around the area for a second, searching for a place to take cover. Most of the area was littered with rubble and overturned cars and rusted trucks. Finally, he spotted a house that seemed like adequate shelter for the night. “C’mon. Let's get inside before more raiders find us.” 

They made quick work of the house. Lucky for them, they didn't have to clear out any other inhabitants. The house had the usual dingy furnishings - a couch, a smelly mattress, and a couple dressers. He shoved the couch in front of the door, made sure the windows were all covered (they were) and finally, with a heavy sigh, collapsed onto the mattress. The boss had stripped off her leather chest piece and was attempting to patch herself up with her the collar of her tee shirt stretched down over her shoulder, but her hands were shaking. Shit. She wasn't going to be able to do this herself. 

“Here.” He stood up and reached for her good arm, leading her to the mattress. “You ever had to take a bullet out before?” 

She was shaking. “No.” It came out a whimper. “I guess I've been pretty lucky so far.” 

“Yeah, seriously.” He dug through his bag and pulled out a first aid kit and a bottle of vodka. Just as he had the tweezers, he realized that the shirt had to go. And now he felt incredibly awkward. 

“What? What's wrong?” Beth was looking at him, eyebrows furrowed. “You can do it, right?” 

He cleared his throat. “Yeah, but uh… I need you to take the shirt off.” 

She laughed. “Trying to get me naked already? Jeez, I mean, you’re nice and all, but I don’t put out until at _least_ the fourth date.” MacCready felt blood rush to his face. And some went to his crotch. Thank Grognak that he had his bag in his lap. 

“You’re hilarious,” was all he managed. Beth laughed again, and pulled the shirt off with her good arm, letting it settle into a pile beside her. He tried to keep his eyes fixed on the wound. He really did. But the black sports bra she was wearing made her skin look like porcelain and he wondered, for just a moment, what she would do if he just reached out and caressed her -

“Mac?” 

MacCready snapped himself out of it. “Sorry.” Trying to regain his calm and stay casual, he managed a deep breath. “Here, this is gonna sting.” He uncapped the vodka and before she could say anything, he splashed some of it onto the wound. She muffled a loud whimper. “OK, this is the hard part.” He held up the tweezers and pinched them together a few times. With his free hand resting gently on her shoulder, he dug in, half expecting the boss to cry. But she stayed mostly quiet throughout, and he was thankful for that. It always made this a lot harder when the person started crying. It took him a few tries, but he finally managed to dig the slippery bastard out. “Almost done,” he said. “I’m gonna need to stitch it up.”

Beth nodded, and grabbed the vodka bottle, taking a long drink from it as he prepared the needle. She started to say something, but he wasn’t listening. He was so focused on trying not to stare at her and thread a needle that he blocked out everything else. His hands almost had a mind of their own, and it only took a few minutes before he was done. He tied off the thread and wiped around the wound with a rag soaked in some purified water, then pressed a bandage over it. All that was left was a stimpack, and she didn’t even flinch when he inserted the needle and injected the medicine. 

She took another drink, then offered the bottle to him. MacCready took it. “How’d you learn all that?” She asked.

The vodka burned his throat and made his eyes water slightly. “Lucy taught me. And I’ve had a lot of practice.” Shit, he missed Lucy. It had been four years since she died, and he only just stopped drinking himself into a stupor every other night. 

“Lucy. She was your wife?” Beth pulled a clean shirt on and settled against the wall behind her. 

MacCready packed up his first aid kit and closed up his bag. He went back to the couch and plopped down, rubbing his hand over his face a few times. “Yeah,” he said. “She was a nurse back in DC. That was how I met her.” 

_“Well, look at you. You look like you got into a little bit of trouble.”_

_“I might’ve.” MacCready smiled at the nurse as she swabbed his arm with antiseptic._

_“Weren’t you just in here a few days ago? You might want to reconsider your career choice.”_

_“Well, I've heard most ladies like a man in uniform. How can I say no to that kind of attention?”_

He watched Beth fidget a little, pulling at the hem of her shirt and pushing her hair out of her face. She hadn’t asked much about Lucy or Duncan since that night after the Memory Den, weeks ago. And he hadn’t asked about Nate or Shaun. And he was thankful for that. They both had their own shit to figure out, and half the time, when he told himself he was going to bail, he considered himself lucky that he didn’t know her all that well. He still wasn’t sure he wanted to. Sure, she laughed at all his stupid jokes, and she made him smile more in the last few weeks than he had in a good long while, but she was reckless, and wild, and - 

“Nate was a soldier. He had just come home from Anchorage, and I was a law student. We only dated for a few months before we got married.” She sighed and stretched her legs out, crossing them at the ankles. “Everybody loved him. You probably would’ve liked him, too, if he was still alive. But then again, we probably wouldn’t have met if he was.” 

“Why do you say that?” He heard himself ask. 

“Because he was a trained soldier. If he had come out with me…” Beth stared down at her hands. “Well, I wouldn’t have had to hire you if he had.”

He could only nod. When he wasn’t telling himself he was going to bail on her, he actually kind of liked her. And not just because she was pretty. Because she was. One of the prettiest girls he’d ever seen, with that pale skin and warm black hair and perfect teeth. And every time he saw how green her eyes looked in sunlight, he felt warm. But still, he reminded himself regularly that he was just a mercenary she had hired back in Goodneighbor, and that was probably all he was to her. If he even wanted to be more than that. He wanted to run far away from her, forget they ever met because he was not a babysitter, dammit! But he also wanted to hug her tight, and smell her hair, feel her skin… 

Shit. 

MacCready dug through his pocket for his cigarette pack and lit one, taking a long drag on it before he looked back at Beth. He watched as she spun her wedding ring around her finger, pulling it off and then putting it back on. “You know,” she said finally, “I just realized that I don’t know your first name.” 

He choked on his cigarette smoke. He wanted to ask her why she needed to know; tell her that no one has called him by anything but MacCready since Lucy died. Instead, the words that came out of his mouth were, “Robert Joseph. Lucy called me RJ.” She looked at him thoughtfully. He felt like she was evaluating him somehow. “You can call me whatever you want, I guess.” 

Beth hummed. “Well, I’ll get back to you on that.” 

They didn’t say much else for the rest of the night. After a while, she handed him some Dandy Boy apples and a can of water, and they ate their dinner in companionable silence. He eventually told her he would take first watch, and made a round around the house before settling back on the couch. He promised himself that he wouldn’t think about her at all when he went to sleep. 

But he was a fucking liar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so, like I said, action is not something I'm particularly good at, but I tried. I mostly just wanted to get to the stuff after the action. So, feedback is appreciated. Thanks!


	3. Why can't you just try to keep your cool?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Another day that you come rough from_   
>  _Another day that left you behind_   
>  _I really have to tell you_   
>  _You're the only thing on my mind_   
>  **\- new day, by tom speight**

Taking down the Gunners at Mass Pike Interchange had been hell in a hand basket. But they did it. Barnes was dead. Winlock was dead. All those fucking lunatics were dead, and aside from the obvious fact that there were a dozen less Gunners terrorizing the Commonwealth, the look on MacCready’s face was worth the hail of bullets Beth just charged through. 

So there they were, still reeling from their two-man ambush. MacCready couldn’t stop moving. He was pacing back and forth, and Beth swore she saw him pinch himself once or twice. But seriously, he was starting to give her motion sickness. “Robbie,” she called, slinging her combat rifle onto her back. “You’re gonna make me sick. Just… take a chill pill for a second.” Beth sat down on the hood of the car nearest her and planted her feet on the bumper. MacCready paced for another moment, then gave her a funny look. He took a deep breath, and nodded. 

“You’re right.” Then he started patting his pocket, eventually digging out a bag of caps. He dumped them out into his hand and counted them quickly. Beth watched him, slightly puzzled. But then he walked over to her and held his hand out to her. “Here. I want to give these back to you.” 

“What?” All MacCready ever talked about were caps. Hell, they were basically a lifeline. She eyed him suspiciously, but took the caps from him anyway. Maybe she could slip them back into his bag when he’d come back down from whatever kind of high he was on. 

“Listen. I’ll be honest. When you hired me a few months ago, I thought you were stupid. I was about an inch away from bailing on you after the first week.” He sighed, and continued. “And you _are_ insane. But you just took down Winlock and Barnes like it was nothing. So I get the feeling like you might actually care about what happens to me. And I figured… well, I thought I could make us even by giving your caps back. So, yeah.”

Beth narrowed her eyes and waited for him to say, _“Hey, just kidding! I’ll die before you get these back.”_ But he didn’t. So after a moment had passed, and he was starting to look worried, she laughed. “Robbie, of course I care about... “ _you. I care about you._ “Of course I care about what happens to you. But I don’t need these.” She went to hand them back to him, but he shook his head. 

“No, Boss. I want things to be nice and even.” 

She hesitated, but put them in her pocket. “Fine. And, I just want you to know…” Beth stood, very aware that he was standing just inches from her. “Taking down those assholes for you was nothing. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.” His eyes lit up as he smiled, and she felt something stir in her core. And being this near him, she could smell the gunpowder and cigarettes smell that made her dizzy, but in the good way. “Besides, that’s a dozen less Gunners we’ll need to deal with in the future.” She smiled back at him. 

“Darn straight.” 

They packed away all the ammo and caps they could find, then took the elevator down to the ground. The sun was still high, but from what she could tell, there were storm clouds on their way. So they booked it as far north as they could get before the rain started. “God, I hate getting wet,” MacCready whined, tucking his rifle inside his coat to keep it dry. 

Beth rolled her eyes. “I know you do.” 

“Tell me why we’re going to Sanctuary again, and not just straight to Diamond City?” 

“Because, Robbie. I may have told Preston that I didn’t want to lead the Minutemen but that doesn’t mean that I’m not still his friend. He was one of the first people that helped me when I came out of the vault.” 

He scoffed. “Please. The guy has about as much personality as a Gen-2.” 

Beth gave him a sidelong stare. “Just because you don’t like him doesn’t mean that he can’t be my friend, Robbie.” 

Just as they were coming up on Fiddler’s Green Trailer Estates, the first metallic crackle of a rad storm rang out through the clouds. Right away, she spotted three ghouls roaming around the trailers, but before she could say anything to Mac, they were running towards the two of them, snarling and reaching out to grab them. 

Beth heaved an annoyed sigh and aimed her rifle, knocking one in the knee and blowing its leg off. The ghoul fell to the ground and started to drag itself towards her. She shot it in the head, blowing brain and other gory bits around that landed on the pavement with a wet splat. The gunfire drew out more, and she realized that this might actually be a hell of a fight. 

MacCready was bashing in the face of one ghoul with the stock of his rifle and shooting another before Beth even realized that two of them had caught up with her, grabbing at her arms and scratching her face. Blood trickled down her forehead. She cried out, swinging her gun wildly around her and hitting them, trying to knock them back. “Get off me, you ugly fuckers!” She yelled. And then there was a gunshot, and another, and the ghouls dropped to the ground. 

“You ok over there?” Mac called. He wiped the blood off his rifle stock. Before she could answer, or even catch her breath, she spotted more stumbling out from around the trailers. 

“Shit,” she said. “Mac, twelve o’clock!” Beth lined up her scope and fired off a couple rounds. Once they were taken care of, she charged through the fence.

There had to have been just over a dozen ghouls in the trailer park, and it took what felt like an eternity to put them all down. Finally, fucking _finally_ , she was able to catch her breath. Beth doubled over with her hands on her knees and took deep breaths through her nose. “Jesus Christ,” she moaned. Mac came over and let out a disgusted noise. 

“I hate ghouls,” he said. 

“Me too.” It came out breathless. Another loud metallic twang rang through, giving Beth just enough energy to stand back up and gaze at the sky. It was now a dark greenish-yellow. “Well, shit. I think we’re stuck here with them,” she waved her hands around her, “until this clears up.” 

MacCready nodded, and craned his neck to look around at the trailers. “There’s one over there that looks mostly intact. Should provide enough cover.”

They had to dig around for the key, which turned up in a locked safe in the main office. She made a mental note to thank Nick the next time she saw him for giving her pointers on hacking terminals. The trailer was small, but there was a small black couch facing the opposite wall of the door and a folding table in the corner. And to her surprise, a suit of power armor. 

“Well, shit,” she said, tossing the key on the table as Mac closed the door behind them. “I should bring this to Sturges. It’s almost Christmas, right?” Beth opened the map on her PipBoy. Sure enough, three days til Jesus’ birthday. She circled around the couch and checked out the armor. It was mostly intact, but there was no fusion core. “Christmas is still a thing here, right?”

MacCready plopped down onto the couch and opened a can of purified water. “Sure. But it’s probably not what you’re used to.” 

“I suppose not.” She sighed, and sat down beside him. “I was never really a big fan of it, anyway. There was a certain element of obligation to participating. All these gifts for different people. Got kind of annoying, honestly. But people were generally nicer and more compassionate.” Blood trickled down around her eye and she wiped it off with the back of her hand. She stared at the smear on her hand. “Hey, you got that first aid kit?”

“Yeah, boss. Here.” He dug through his backpack and pulled out the small box, then ripped open a small package of gauze. She took it from him and swiped it across her forehead, wincing from the pressure on the cut. 

“Did I get it all?” Beth asked while looking at the gauze. 

MacCready looked over at her. “Here.” He opened another gauze pack and sprinkled some water over it then handed it to her. The cold water felt good against her skin as she rubbed it over her forehead. “Looks like you got it all. Just a scratch, too. I think you’ll live.”

Beth smiled, then laughed quietly, mostly to herself. “I’m honestly surprised that I didn’t take anything worse today. Not a single bullet. And then I get mauled by a _ghoul_.”

“I’m just happy I didn’t have to dig another bullet out of you,” MacCready smirked. 

“And miss another chance of getting me to take my clothes off?” It came out of her mouth before she had a chance to filter herself. Beth’s stomach did a couple flips as she watched his cheeks turn red. He stammered for a second, and she could almost hear the wheels spinning in his head. “Relax, MacCready. I’m kidding.” 

It was obvious he was avoiding eye contact as he took a long drink from his can of water. A few long moments of awkward silence made Beth clear her throat and fidget in her seat slightly. But she was still feeling a little ornery. She honestly didn’t get sick of teasing him. “I mean, unless you really want me to.”

MacCready choked on his water, dribbling some of it down his chin. “Oh my god, boss. Please stop.” He wiped his chin off and crushed the can in his hand, still avoiding eye contact with her. 

Beth sighed and held up her hands, palms out, in surrender. “Fine. I’m sorry. You’re just so cute when you’re blushing. I can’t help myself. But if it bothers you, I’ll stop. I _promise_.”

He finally looked at her, eyebrows raised, and there was a hint of a smile on his lips. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Besides, I can be pretty smooth when I wanna be.” 

She couldn’t hold in the scoff that came from her mouth. “I don’t believe you.” MacCready rolled his eyes at her. “I’m sorry, Robbie. You just don’t seem like - what are you doing?” He had scooted over until he was sitting right next to her, and was swinging his arm back until it settled around her shoulders. 

“Tell me, knockout. Do you have radiation poisoning? Because you’re absolutely glowing,” he said. 

Beth’s heart fluttered and she felt her chest tighten as he squeezed her shoulder. She couldn’t control the laughter that bubbled up, though, and burst into giggles as he scooted back to the other end of the couch. “Seriously? That was so _cheesy_. Has that ever worked for you?” 

He grinned at her, and tapped a finger against his nose. “Maybe. A gentleman never kisses and tells.”


	4. The earth is shaking and I see a light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I'm looking for a place to start_   
>  _And everything feels so different now._   
>  _Just grab a hold of my hand_   
>  _I will lead you through this wonderland._   
>  **\- yellow light, by of monsters of men**

“So, this is it.” 

“Yeah. This is it.” 

Beth stared at the relay platform, watching the electricity as it sparked from the conduit overhead. The sinking feeling she'd had the last two days was in full force, and honestly she thought she might get sick. All types of scenarios played through her mind - what if she died as soon as Sturges pressed the button, reduced to nothing more than a billion particles being spread throughout the universe? What if the Institute killed her on sight? What if Shaun was dead? What if - 

“Beth?” MacCready shifted beside her. His eyes looked darker today, a cool cobalt instead of the icy baby blue they normally were. She sucked in a ragged breath, and watched as Sturges worked at the console, making adjustments and mumbling to himself. 

“I need a drink. Do you wanna get a drink with me?” Beth glanced at her mercenary. She didn't wait for his response, though, before heading across the road into her old home and grabbing the first liquor bottle she could find. She sat on the edge of the kitchen island and took a long drink. Beth hadn’t done much to the place since she came out of the vault; it was a painful time capsule that she didn’t like to visit very often. Instead, she had furnished it with just the basic necessities for when she knew she was going to stay overnight. 

MacCready stepped through the doorway just as she was fighting off the urge to crumple into a ball. She was so close to finding her son, but still, she felt miles away. 

How was this going to affect MacCready? He was invested in all this too. He had been there for her through it all, and had seen all her shit laid out bare. Beth wouldn’t blame him if he wanted to leave. He had told her himself that he had considered it in the beginning of his employment to her, saying he didn’t want to be a babysitter for some weak, insecure vault dweller with no experience in the world (ok so maybe he didn’t say those words to her, but she felt it). Yet there he was. Because even though he was an arrogant jackass ninety percent of the time, Beth liked to consider him _her_ jackass.

“Robbie?” He stood just a couple feet away from her. She wanted to reach out for him; to wrap her arms around his waist and hold him tight and never let him go. He looked terrified. “I need you to promise me something.” 

“Sure, boss.” He took the bottle from her and took a drink, wrinkling his nose at the burn.

“I need you to promise me that if I… if I don't come back… promise me you'll go home to Duncan.” 

MacCready’s shoulders fell, and he sighed. “You'll come back. You will.” 

“But if I don't. Don't wait around for too long, and go home to your son. He needs you.” 

MacCready stared at her for a few long moments, and then nodded. “OK.” And then, a fierce look struck across his face, and he was pulling her toward him by her biceps, and he kissed her. 

It lasted for just second, but it shook Beth right to her core. He let her go and took a step back. “Oh.” Then after a moment, “Really?” 

He let out a huff of air and rubbed his face quickly, a tell of his that she knew was meant to be a way to hide a flush in his cheeks. “Yeah,” he breathed. 

Beth gave him a small smile. “Me too.” Then it was her turn to grab him, and she planted a long, warm, hard kiss to his lips. He snaked one arm around her waist and another around her shoulders, holding her flush against him. 

It was one of the best kisses she'd ever had. 

She lifted his hat off his head and tangled her fingers through his soft, light brown hair, which only made him hold her tighter against him. Then he dipped his fingers under the hem of her shirt and his touch forced some kind of mix between a moan and a gasp from her throat. Beth didn’t realize just how _badly_ she wanted this until now. He started to drag his hand up and down her back, then around to her stomach, and she fucking _shivered_. 

But was it hot in here, or was it just her?

MacCready moved his attentions to the front of her pants, pulling them open and sliding his hand in. Thank god she had the counter to support her, because Beth’s knees buckled. She tightened her grip in his hair and licked his bottom lip gently. His breath was hot when he opened his mouth just enough to give way, and hot _damn_ , she wasn’t sure kissing him could get any better. 

But then he started to rub his finger in small circles and she literally whimpered. Jesus, she would’ve fucked him where they stood, but a sliver of… something… guilt, maybe? snaked its way up her spine when she heard a loud pop of electricity from the relay. Beth tore herself away from his eager lips and pulled his hand out from her pants. “S-stop,” she whispered breathlessly. She closed her eyes and huffed. “I need to-”

MacCready nuzzled his face against her cheek, and with a kiss on her cheek he said, “rain check?” She buried her own face into the crook of his neck and sighed. 

“Yeah. Rain check.” 

“Beth?” Preston appeared in the doorway, obviously having seen them together because he was blushing. MacCready stepped back suddenly, but caught her hand in his and held it tight. “It's ready.” 

“Thanks, Preston.” She nodded at him, then turned back to MacCready. He rubbed his thumb along the butt of her palm, avoiding eye contact by looking at the floor. “Robbie, I-” 

“I'll keep that promise. But when you come back, and I know you will, we'll talk about it some more, ok?” 

Beth sighed. “Ok.” 

MacCready kissed her again, brushing his free hand against her cheek. Beth didn’t want it to end, but she could hear Preston and Sturges talking just outside. She snaked her arms around MacCready’s waist and held him tightly for a moment before taking a deep breath. “It’s time to go,” she whispered. He pressed his cheek to the top of her head. 

“I’m sure everything will be fine, but be careful,” he said. 

Beth smiled slightly, and without a word, she stepped outside and made her way toward the relay platform. Fear crept up the base of her spine until it settled in her shoulders. It was starting to make her feel jittery. Sturges started to explain the process to her, but she wasn’t listening. Instead, she tried to focus on MacCready, who had found a spot underneath the roof of the car port that was attached to the main house. He had one hand in his pocket, a cigarette in his other. 

“You ready, Beth?” Sturges asked. He looked calm; she hoped it was just for her sake. 

“Yeah,” she said. She pulled her jacket tight around her waist and stepped up onto the platform. The electricity crackled loudly overhead. Beth kept her eyes fixed on Mac as Sturges began the countdown. 

“Stay safe, Beth!” Sturges called, and then there was a bright flash of light, a warm fuzzy feeling spread throughout her body, and before she could blink, she was in a dimly lit room. The Institute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hot stuff finally happened. Thank God, amirite?
> 
> Two more chapters to go.


	5. I'll write your name on my skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I feel alive when I'm with you, baby_   
>  _So tell me that I won't ever be lonely again_   
>  _Don't wanna die I wanna wander the world with you_   
>  _And no one else for the rest of my days on this earth_   
>  **\- louisa, by lord huron**

She was there one second, and gone the next. 

Mac didn’t know what would happen, but he hoped to God that she made it back. Because maybe he hadn’t exactly told her how he felt about her, but he had fucking kissed her and shoved his hand down her pants. It wasn’t something he thought he’d be able to do, but he was glad he did. Kissing her had been almost exactly like he thought it would be - soft, warm, and sweet. 

It took a good ten minutes before he was able to move away from his spot under the car port. He sucked down two cigarettes while he stood there, blocking out all the noise from the relay and from Sturges and Preston, who stood by the control console in disbelief that it actually worked. She would come back. She had to. Because he had to tell her. And he would feel like a giant jackass if he never had another chance.

Beth had done so much for him and had hardly batted an eye at him. He asked her to take on Winlock and Barnes and a dozen other gunners, and she did it. Then, weeks later, when Mac realized just how much Beth had his back, he’d asked her to help him get the cure for his son. And again, she did it without a second thought. 

It didn’t take long for him after all that to figure out that maybe he wasn’t just a mercenary she had hired. He also realized that he had been ignoring all kinds of signals she was putting out to him. Touching his arm when she spoke to him, laughing at all his stupid jokes and puns, the fear in her voice when he takes on more than one creep by himself. One night, a week or so ago, he noticed she had taken off her wedding ring. That was the night he realized, for himself, what that meant. 

Back when she had hired him, he hadn’t missed her shameless flirting. But he had just assumed it was her way to deal with the loss of her husband, because he knew exactly what it felt like to lose someone so close. And in some way, it probably was a coping mechanism, but over time her smiles grew wider and her eyes shined brighter, and she still flirted with him. Like the first time he pulled a bullet out of her. She sat there half naked in front of him and made a joke about putting out. He couldn’t remember what he said, if he’d said anything, but the response his body made had him feeling ashamed of himself. 

Ashamed that he was thinking about bending her over and letting his other head make decisions for him, even though he still missed Lucy with every fiber of his being. And he felt ashamed when she managed to shoot some fucker in the head from fifty yards away, which _he_ had taught her to do, it made him harder than he’d ever been in his life, but he had a sick son hundreds of miles away and he couldn’t afford to mess around. 

Mac spent his afternoon hiding away from everyone in Sanctuary with a bottle of whiskey and as many cigarettes as he could choke down. He tried not to assume the worst had happened, that she had been ripped apart by the relay and was now spread through the air like dust, or that the Institute had just killed her on sight. His chest tightened and gut twisted, and even as he tried to numb himself with liquor, the feeling didn’t go away. Not completely anyway. He hated how fucking helpless he felt. Jesus, it’s not like he didn’t know how to survive out here. But if he lost her to the Institute, MacCready _knew_ he would fall apart. 

He didn’t like how it felt, knowing that he had become so attached to her. The Commonwealth was a fickle bitch, like she always said, and people came and went all the fucking time, but Beth was like the goddamn sun. Warm, and bright, and like the fucking source of everything good in his life. She had sucked him with her light and he never wanted to be anywhere else but with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day?!?! 
> 
> I wrote this days ago. And it's short, and I'm sorry. I felt it was better this way for dramatic effect. 
> 
> Next chapter is the good stuff. _**Promise**_.


	6. There's a light at the end where I know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _And the edge of the world makes it seem,_   
>  _that everyone gone is still singing the same song_   
>  _and I can believe in these things;_   
>  _That everyone's singing along,_   
>  _the good the bad and the gone._   
>  **\- drinking song, by haley heynderickx**

At the Institute, Beth felt a coldness that had nothing to do with the actual temperature. Shaun was cold. The other scientists were cold. Gen-1 and 2 synths were cold. She didn’t like it. Maybe if those egg heads knew what life was like in the real world, or if they actually cared about the people of the Commonwealth, they might not be so cold. 

But MacCready was _warm_. 

And solid.

When she told him what had happened, he had just frowned, his cobalt blue eyes sparkly and soothing. Then he just gathered her into his arms and held her for a long time. She was thankful he hadn’t said much about it; just gave a nod of understanding and didn’t try to tell her what he probably thought she wanted to hear. 

Beth didn’t stick around Sanctuary longer than she had to. She told Preston what he needed to know, then almost dragged MacCready back to Diamond City. Beth just wanted to be in her own space, one where she had no emotional attachments or feelings of guilt. And once she was through the door of Home Plate, all the tension in her shoulders disappeared. 

“Well, today sucked,” Beth groaned, throwing her backpack on the floor as she collapsed onto the couch. MacCready went straight for the bar, taking a bottle of whiskey off the shelf and uncapping it. 

“Drink?” He poured some into a glass and walked over to hand it to her. Instead, Beth took the bottle.

“Yes, please.” She grinned at him as she took a long drink. He smirked back at her, then made himself comfortable beside her. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked into his glass. 

Beth sighed, and took another drink. The liquor burned her ears and all the way down her throat. “Honestly, I’m fine.” She tilted her head back to rest on the couch. “I have answers.”

“What are you gonna do about it?” 

She’d thought it about all the way back from Sanctuary. As much as it hurt her to admit it, she felt no love for the person Shaun was now. “I’m gonna blow ‘em all to hell,” she said after a moment. 

MacCready lit a cigarette, taking a long pull on it before letting out a soft sigh. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” She didn’t wait even a beat.

They sat quietly for a while, listening to the radio and drinking until the bottle was halfway empty. Perhaps it was her current state of drunkenness, but having MacCready so close to her was making it hard to breathe. She could smell _his_ smell and feel the warmth of his body. She inched her hand towards his knee and brushed her fingers ever so gently across the fabric of his pants. It was like sparks jolted through her arm, and she almost recoiled, but she heard his breath get caught in his throat and he rested his hand atop hers. 

Beth bit down on her lip and closed her eyes, remembering what his kiss had tasted like back in Sanctuary, the way he had touched her. Good lord. She looked at him to find him staring back at her, pupils wide and breathing hard. “Hey,” she whispered. “Is it just me, or…” 

“Nope, not at all.” He leaned in and kissed her, hard. His breath was soaked in the whiskey they’d been drinking, with traces of cigarettes. She threw her hands to his neck and the back of his head, fisting his hair, knocking his hat off in the process, and holding him to her. MacCready grabbed her waist and pulled her towards him and into his lap. She straddled him and stifled a moan when he focused his attentions to her neck, biting and kissing her skin gently. Her clothes were starting to feel too tight, too warm. She fumbled with her hands for a moment, drunk on whiskey and his kiss, before ripping her tank top off of her body and throwing it on the floor. 

MacCready ran his hands up the sides of her waist and sighed. “You are so goddamn beautiful.” 

“And you’re a flatterer.” She kissed his forehead. 

“Just calling it like I see it, angel,” he said with a grin. 

Beth pressed her lips to his and drank him in. He tightened his hold on her by wrapping his arms around her waist, forcing her to shift slightly in his lap. She almost laughed out loud when she felt the bulge in his pants pressing against her crotch. “Excited already?” She teased. 

“It’s kind of hard not to be when you look like this.” He went back to kissing her neck, and Beth found it hard to breathe for a second. His hands roamed everywhere they could reach - up her back, her arms, her shoulders, her ass. She felt like putty under his touch. 

“Hmm, well, you want to know what I think?” Beth ducked her head to nibble his earlobe. He shuddered beneath her and she grinned. “I think I wanna take you upstairs.”

MacCready shuddered again. She traced her hands around the fabric of his scarf and untangled it from his neck, pulling it off slowly and letting it drop to the floor with a wink. And when she started to push his duster over his shoulders, he all but shoved her off his lap so he could rip it from his arms, and threw it behind him. “What are you waitin’ for, then?” He took her hand and led her towards the stairs. They didn’t get far, though, before he was pressing her up against the wall and kissing her. He brought a hand to her breast, squeezing gently and brushing a thumb over the bud poking into the thin fabric of her sports bra. 

Beth went for his belt, pulling it out from the loops. It fell to the floor with a metallic clank, and he had to hold them up as they finally made it up the stairs. MacCready brought his free hand around her waist and pulled her flush against him, kissing all over her face and neck. She clung to him, raking her fingers across his shoulder blades. 

Her breaths came out in huffs as he guided her backwards to the bed, and when she sat on the mattress, he let his pants fall around his ankles, stepping out of them and kicking them away. His shirt followed immediately, and Beth couldn’t stop herself from staring. She’d seen MacCready with his shirt off before, just as he’d seen her. And that was always for perfectly legitimate reasons. But now, seeing him there half naked in front of her, she made it a point to really look and appreciate just how well he was built. He was on the thinner side, but there was enough muscle definition in all the right places that, given his height, made him absolutely fucking dreamy, if she was being honest. And there was a light dusting of hair across his chest, and a nice little trail down his stomach that disappeared underneath the waistband of his boxers. 

“Hey, you’re staring.”

“Sorry,” Beth said, tearing her eyes away and looking at his face instead. She crawled back onto the mattress, and when she was settled with her head on the pillow, started working on removing her jeans. MacCready hopped on the bed after her, hovering over her and giving her a wet kiss. “I need help with these jeans,” she said. 

MacCready grinned, and did the work for her. He yanked them down and threw them to the side. His hands found her thighs and he ran them up, his fingers teasing at the waistband of her panties before travelling further up to her chest. He settled himself beside her, tucking one arm under her head and letting his other one roam across her skin. “You…” he kissed her neck, “are so…” then her collarbone, “lovely. How did I get to be so lucky?”

“Robbie,” Beth sighed. “Stop talking.” 

“You got it, boss,” he said with a grin. He kissed her quickly. When he dipped his hand into her panties, she gasped, and scrambled for purchase in his hair as he pushed in.

“Shit,” she breathed. The pressure felt fan-fucking-tastic as he thrust his hand. He started to rub circles with his thumb over _that_ spot, and before she could do anything else, she was wriggling beneath him. She hadn’t been touched like this in so long that she could hardly contain herself. Beth squeezed her eyes shut and tried to focus on breathing, but a kiss from him on her neck sent her over the edge after just a minute or two. She was almost embarrassed by the sound she made, something like a squeak and a whimper combined.

MacCready nuzzled his face into her neck and kissed her pulse point. Beth lied there, panting, her arm wrapped around his shoulders and scratching at his neck. He was still for a moment, then jerked away. She watched him with heavy-lidded eyes as he curled his fingers around the waistband of her panties and started to pull them down her legs. Beth kicked them off, then sat up and pulled her bra off as well. MacCready followed suit, shimmying out of his underpants rather clumsily and tossing them off the bed. The weight of his body as he positioned himself over her was comforting, and as she wrapped her legs around his, her feet resting on his calves, he kissed her lips gently and brushed her hair out of her face. His expression went from lust to serious in a blink, and she felt her chest tighten. “We’re really gonna do this?” His voice was low. 

“Hell yes,” Beth reassured. When he didn’t move, Beth reached up and cupped his face. His eyes locked onto hers, pretty blue orbs like a clear summer sky. “You’re… you’re everything to me, Robbie.”

He sighed and gave her a long kiss. Beth dug her heels into the backs of his knees, snaking her arms around his neck and holding him into the kiss. MacCready pulled away first, and with a deep breath, he reached between them with a shaky hand and lined himself up. The pressure of just having him there made her quiver with anticipation, and when he finally pushed in, a breathy moan escaped her throat. MacCready stilled himself once he was fully seated, pretty much panting now. “Good god,” he sighed. 

Good god was right. He had filled her all the way up, and she tightened around him, which forced a moan from him. As he started to move, she became vaguely aware that he was mumbling under his breath, but in her state of bliss, she couldn’t really hear him. All she could think about was how amazing it felt, how perfect it was, how perfect _he_ was. 

They were just a mass limbs, grasping at each other and pulling and caressing. 

And when he kissed her, it made her moan and gasp and _fuck_ , why hadn’t they done this before tonight? 

MacCready wiggled his hand between their bodies and rubbed her while he picked up speed, and it only took another moment or so before Beth toppled over the edge with a whimper. A few grunts and kisses later, and he pulled out to come on the sheets. 

“Shit,” he moaned, collapsing onto the mattress beside her.

Beth laughed. “Really? So good that you’re cursing?” She rolled over onto her side and laid her head on his shoulder. Mac wrapped both his arms around her and held tightly to her. 

“You’re goddamn right.” 

“Ugh, I need a cigarette.”

“That… sounds like a good idea.” He sat up and plucked his pants off the floor. He dug through his pockets for a moment, then produced a small pack of cigarettes and his lighter. MacCready handed one to her. She placed it between her lips and he lit it for her. He lit one of his own and laid back on the mattress. “So,” he said, drawing it out, “I hate to get all sappy after sex, but I have to tell you something.”

Beth groped for her blanket and pulled it over their bodies, tucking it underneath her armpits as she settled in an upright position beside him. “What’s that?”

“I have a pretty good feeling that… you know… I’m not totally crazy and m-my feelings for you are actually returned, but I just wanna put it out there because when you went to the Institute, I didn’t know what was gonna happen, and it drove me insane. You saved me, Beth. Gave me something to live for. And I love you, ok? I fucking love you.” He rubbed a hand over his face a few times. Beth’s heart fluttered and she couldn’t hold back the smile that broke from her lips. “I love you.”

“Yeah, I know,” she teased, placing a kiss to his cheek. “I love you too, Robbie.”

He sighed, a blush and a smile creeping onto his face. Jesus, could he be any cuter?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, seriously, this one was probably the hardest to write, next to Ch. 3. I struggled with how to set it up and so after a few days of mulling it over in my head, this is what I came up with. 
> 
> I love these two. For real. There will be a lot more of them in the future. 
> 
> But it's finished! Hurray.


End file.
